I see you.
Hundreds of you, all saying the same thing:
“I am afraid of…”
What are you afraid of?
Finding your husband dead? Getting that phone call that he is gone? Seeing him as ashes or cold to the touch? Realizing that the entire life you planned with him is completely gone?
As a widow, I have been judged for so many different things that it becomes mind numbing at some point. How so many non-widows could even think they know better than I do.
So I am here to simply say:
Do what you are afraid of.
Nothing is worse than what you already went through.
Your husband died 5 months ago and you want to date his best friend? Do it.
You want to take your wedding ring off but it hasn’t even been a year? Do it.
You want to post about being happy? Do it.
You don’t want to move any of his belongings? Don’t do it!
You never want another man to touch you? Don’t do it!
If anyone knows the cliche saying “life is too short” it is the young widow.
Do what you want or do nothing at all, but do not let the people who have never experienced the pain of your body being ripped in half tell you how to proceed as a whole.
Any non-widow who “knows how they would feel,” has no idea.
They only *think* they know how they would feel. They don’t know the twist and turns of grief. They don’t know what it is like to have someone by your side every day, then in a snap have no one. Like it was never there.
So when you do find a glimpse of happiness somewhere, take it.
You deserve it. It doesn’t mean you aren’t still grieving, it means you actually know how quickly life can change and want to savor this small moment before pain hits again.
You have already suffered enough. You deserve anything that brings you some happiness.